The Need for Familiarity
Posted By Mike Gfeller on July 16, 2011
It might be the chair, the music, the people, or the atmosphere. It might be the smell or the location. It might be the food, and quite possibly the drink. People have the need for familiarity. There is nothing comforting about trying someplace new. Comfort comes with familiarity, just the way it did when you were a kid and went to grandma’s house. Bet you remember the smell of the soap that she used in her bathroom. For me it smelled like roses. If I try, I can smell it like it wasn’t 40 years ago.
I was talking with a friend of mine the other day and we got around to this subject at the same point in the conversation. I was talking about restaurants, and specifically that while I like to try new places, when I find something I like at a restaurant, I tend to stick with it. I can try my adventurous side at another restaurant. If I like a dish, it becomes a regular part of my routine. It becomes comforting. It becomes familiar. You probably have a shirt like this, or a pair of jeans, or maybe some comfortable shoes.
My friend was discussing how he gets his haircut precisely at the same time and same place every two weeks, and gets it cut by the same person. That is the time that he has allocated for it, and if something comes up where his barber cannot make it, it puts him in a quandary. It is very difficult with his schedule to change the day, and he likes his barber. She cuts his hair just how he wants it to be cut. Some might find this a bit too precise, but he needs this in his life as much as he has a need for sleep. He’s been doing this for well over the past year in the exact same way.
Over drinks he was telling me that there are executives he knows that eat at certain restaurants certain days of the week every week, and they order the exact same thing each time. While I don’t exactly do that, I certainly can understand it. I bet one need only look at what gets thrown at them each day to understand why they carve out some semblance of routine. I remember watching the video about the “Fish!” philosophy, born in Seattle at Pike’s Place fish market, and the employee of the fish market saying, and I am paraphrasing, “You can’t always control what happens to you during the day, but you can control how you react to it.” The way you control how you react is to go someplace familiar, even if it is buried deep within your head. That’s where that happy place lives.
I would not presume to make a value judgment on what stressors a person can or cannot handle in their life. Let’s just say that each person has a range. Some can handle more, and some less. When stress is low, that is the time for adventure and for trying new things. Familiarity rightfully gets tossed to the curb. But when stress is elevated, familiarity grows in importance and everyone needs something in life that is stable where they don’t have to worry and they can just be. Luckily, there are a few places like that for me. Where is yours?
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